Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
