Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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