Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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