Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
