Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I AM VODKA MAN
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
