every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
