I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
