Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He shit in the fireplace
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
