You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
