Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's shark week go big or go home
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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