alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
