He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
