mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
