Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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