I am spending my child support on dildos
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
