We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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