talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Holy shit dude........stairs
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
