That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
