also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize