i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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