I love black thongs
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
