I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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