Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
