I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think people are normalizing furries
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
