thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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