Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
