I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
