It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
