I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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