Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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