You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
