New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
