youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
