Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
