hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
