Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize