i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
