So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
