Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
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My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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