There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
