just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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