It's Friday. Sex?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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