My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
