I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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