Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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