her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
