I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
