i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
