I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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