The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
