ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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