The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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