sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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