So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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