anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
