Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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