allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
