is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
