Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
