you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
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Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He has the fingertips of a God
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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