When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
whose parrot is this?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
