I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
