Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
