it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
