how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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