Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
