Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
